Flashback Friday #7

This is a somewhat serious topic, but that is okay.  I'm in a somewhat serious mood today.



Here is the prompt for today's FF:
How old were you (approximately) when you attended your first funeral?  Did your parents shield you from death and grief or was it viewed as a natural part of life? Did you experience any significant loss(es) in your growing up years? What were your early impressions of death and dying? And while I do not intend this in any irreverent way, are there any amusing memories associated with a death or funeral? If you have kids, how have you handled this subject with them? Feel free to share as vulnerably or as shallowly as you want!  

I lost my brother when I was five.  Even though I don't have many memories from when I was younger, I remember everything about this one.  I remember visiting my brother in the hospital and seeing the tubes in his throat.  I remember I was confused, because we made him cookies and I didn't know why he couldn't eat them.  I remember mom getting a call that she needed to get to the hospital RIGHT NOW.  And I remember I was upset because during that visit my sister and I weren't allowed into his room.  Little did I know at that time, he had already passed away.  My parents did let us go to the funeral.  I remembered my brother as this wonderful, fun guy with long hair.  (He was about 17 years older than me.)  When I saw him in the coffin, all his hair was cut off and he had a mustache.  That shocked me beyond belief and I started screaming and crying.  They got me out of there fast.  I would say that was a pretty significant loss. 

I became very familiar with death during my growing up years.  Along with my brother, I lost my grandmother, my uncle, one of my nephews, a couple of my friends.  That was all before I turned eighteen.  I lost an old friend when I was around 24.  That was one of those experiences when I can pinpoint a significant change in myself.  Unfortunately, there was some unresolved conflict with us that laid guilt on my shoulders for a long time and almost destroyed my marriage.  My most significant loss to date has been my mother.  Nothing has ever struck me as hard as losing my mom.  There will never be anyone to replace her, and sometimes I still pick up the phone to call her and then I realize that she won't be on the other end of that line.

My early impressions of death and dying were those of nervousness and trepidation.  For awhile, I would say to myself "I wonder who will die this year".  Because it seemed like I was losing someone every year.

Boy that's depressing, huh?  Well this gave me a chance to open up to some of you.  I hope I didn't turn anyone away!  If you have anything to share, please click the link at the top to join in!